Running Away

This is me….pfshahahahah, no it’s not. (But guess who it really is. Click through to see.)

I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with running. I don’t think I was really built to be a runner, but I’ve always wanted to be one.

I envied the female runner: powerful legs, concrete posture, a flat stomach and the strength to propel herself forward for miles, hair bouncing in the wind. Plus, saying “I’m going for a run” just always sounds cool.

I’ve run on and off throughout my life, but I’ve never been great at it. I was on the middle school track team, a sprinter. But I never won first place, and I didn’t really have an impressive mile. I’ve dabbled in jogging for exercise since high school, and I’ve struggled with shin splints, weak knees and low endurance. I had come to terms with the fact that I just wasn’t cut out for it. This year, I decided to give running one last go. And I ran my first 5k.

Running a 5k has always been a goal of mine. I used to think that I wasn’t destined to run much more than a mile at a time until I ran my first 5k this summer. And it was a lot easier than I anticipated. It took a few practice runs of pushing pretty hard, but it was much more doable than I expected. It turns out that I had not tracked my runs very accurately before (thank you Nike Running App!), so I was running more at a time than I had thought and only needed to work on pacing and getting out of my head a little to push myself to the 3-mile mark.

After getting fitted for a new pair of shoes (Brooks Ravenna 3s) and coming to the realization that my body can do more than I’ve allowed it to do, I’m confident that I can build up to a distance I can truly be proud of.

I still don’t run much more than 3 miles at a time, but I’m making strides (yeah, I said that); and my next goal is an 8k, just a little under 5 miles. It probably won’t happen until the spring because my throat tends to close up when it’s much below 40 outside, but we’ll see.

To get to my goal, I have a few challenges to overcome to help boost my endurance:

• Side cramps – I’ve read that it can be due to lack of hydration, too much hydration, improper breathing or something else. Trying to figure out why it’s happening to me.
• Trap/delt cramps – Not really sure what this is, but I sometimes get cramps between my shoulders and neck. I think it’s because I run with my shoulders slightly raised, which I’m finding it difficult to correct.
• A bit of knee/shin pain – It’s much better than it used to be, I think in large part because I finally am wearing the right shoe. I used to think I was flat footed and severely over pronated (thanks mom ;)), which I was recently told is not actually the case. Some bone in my foot (forget what it’s called and am not about to look it up right now) is dropped, which makes it look like I have flat feet. Until now, I was over-correcting it with very thick motion control arches, when I really only need a stability shoe. I think the pain I am having now is because my muscles are weak since I don’t run too frequently. I’ve tried to keep my running days to a minimum to avoid shin splints from the high impact of running, but I’m going to have to build up if I want my legs to be able to handle the task.
• A less-than-mid-foot strike – From what I can tell, I tend to be a bit of a heel striker, but it depends on how much I am paying attention to my hit. Sometimes I think I am hitting pretty mid-foot, and sometimes I’m not. This may be contributing to my tendency to get shin splints. I recently read that you shouldn’t focus on this too much, though, and just run however is natural for you.

I have a 3-to-4-day-a-week fitness schedule I’m trying to stick to, but I currently only run about once a week (although I ran two or three times the week of Thanksgiving – necessary), taking a spin class, a yoga class and working on strength training to round out the week. I can’t pretend that I stick to this all the time, because I’ve already missed a workout this week. I’d really like to build up my miles per week, but it will probably be a slow climb.

So my running is a work in progress. I have already met some goals and have a few more set, but I look forward to the rest of my jogging journey — until I pound my knees to death, my shins are riddled with stress fractures and I am forced to stop. Hopefully, that won’t be for a while!

If you have any stories, advice or other comments for me on running, I’d love to hear them!

I’m Not Sorry

“I’m sorry.” I’ve noticed how much I’ve been saying those words lately – either speaking them aloud to someone or simply feeling their sentiment myself.

I’m sorry things worked out this way.  I’m sorry I said that. I’m sorry I did A or didn’t do B. 

The words are beginning to lose meaning. So, as my one and only new year’s resolution, I’m going to try to delete those words from my vocabulary. Well, not so much stop saying them, but stop feeling them. This isn’t just to force myself to come up with a more intelligent way of expressing myself (something I think our entire generation should work on), but it’s to help me live without regret.

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. Every action has a reaction that teaches us something, alters our character and brings us to a place where another pivotal event will occur. This past year, I’ve tried to make sense of things that have happened to me with this frame of mind. And in retrospect, in which all things are clearer, I’ve realized how true this philosophy is. Call it fate or destiny or God’s plan — however you choose to refer to it. But I realize that every person I lose is making room for a new one I will meet. Every mistake I make helps me avoid an even bigger one. Every step I take is leading me in the direction of the rest of my life. Maybe this is just some cliche mumbo jumbo to you; but as I grow up, I realize that cliches exist for a reason — a lot of them are true.

So in the spirit of fate, I am going to live my life the way I want to live it. I’m not going to pass things up. I’m not going to whine or wish that things were different (ok, I might still whine, just not as much). But I’m not just going to sit back and let life happen to me, either, hoping that fate will take over. I won’t regret anything, but I will make changes to avoid repeating mistakes. (If I think making a certain decision will lead to an “I’m sorry,” maybe I should reconsider it.) I’m going to relish in the humanity of not knowing. I’m going to have experiences and make wrong turns and cry and laugh and make a fool of myself with the intention of living life until I get it right. Which may be never. What is getting it right, anyway? I have a feeling it’s not possible.

My mother told me recently, “Tell God your plans, and he will laugh at them.” Have a good chuckle, God. I’ll join you.

So cheers to 2012, to everything you are, everything you love and everything you want to change. No regrets.

Getting it together

Apparently I’m having problems getting this blog started — probably because I keep forgetting I created it. I have yet to sit down and really think about the direction I want it to go and brainstorm post ideas; so if you’re reading this, it’s probably not meeting your expectations just yet. But patience is a virtue, and good things come to those who wait. I promise you will maybe sort of enjoy it at some point in the near future and possibly find a reason to occasionally come back and read my posts with a decided enthusiasm. Or maybe you won’t. Now, with the cliches, excuses and useless speculations out of the way, let’s get down to business: getting my life together.

A part of why I’m starting this blog is to get myself out there doing more things and having more experiences. After I graduated from college, I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. I’ve always been an overachiever in some respects and consider myself a reformed perfectionist (maybe I just got lazy), and college was a busy four years for me. I wasn’t the kid who rolled out of bed at noon, shuffled to class and shuffled back home at 5 only to do 30 minutes of studying, take a nap and head out to the bars for the night.

I was the girl who got to campus two hours before her first class, was in my office or the journalism department office or the library between classes, and was lucky if I made it home for dinner because I was just going to head back to campus until 10 pm at the VERY earliest. I spent an entire, continuous 24 hours on campus one production weekend working on getting an issue of the magazine to the printer. I was hallucinating by the end of it.

So after I walked across the stage at graduation, when there were no more classes to attend, editorial board meetings to run, or stories to write, I turned my attention to applying for jobs. And if you’ve entered the workforce yourself, you know there is only so much of that you can take in one day. I found myself doing, well, not a lot with the rest of my time. I made a decision that, until I got a job, I would give myself a break. I had been working my ass off for 18 years (yeah, before my fifth birthday I was a lazy SOB) and realized that I would be a slave to the man for the rest of my life; why not take it easy for a bit?

So I watched a lot of TV, scheduled daily tanning sessions on the roof of my house, frequented the gym on campus to keep my lazy ass from getting fat, and let myself have my last real summer. When I got my first interview and my first job offer, things didn’t change massively. Yes, I had a busy few weeks when I started this job in Indianapolis. I had to commute from Muncie (where I stayed after I graduated — I’m actually from Northwest Indiana) for the first couple of weeks; I stayed with a friend for another week; and I finally found and moved into my apartment in the middle of July.

Until now, I’ve still been on break. I haven’t been doing many productive things aside from working 9-5, going out and cleaning my apartment…fruitlessly. Let’s just say I still watch a lot of TV. And I’m a social media whore. If we’re friends in any network, I probably stalk you. Get over it.

Well, this will be my life no longer. Sure, I’ll still work 9-5, gotta pay the rent; but I’m going to try to do a little more with my time than watch Kim Kardashian’s first marriage unfold and paint my nails three times a week (ok, that’s still gonna happen, but whatever).

First mission: stop being a weak little bitch. I did my first hardcore workout in quite a while this weekend, and my entire body aches today. Sitting down was even a feat. But I’m going to make this the norm. I actually feel good when I’m sore; and if I’m going to be a foodie (another one of my goals), I’m going to need to have a consistent workout routine. I also bought a yoga mat yesterday, so we’ll see why Madonna is so obsessed with the stuff.

I apologize if this was incredibly boring for you (couldn’t be that bad if you’re still staring at the words I’ve written), but at the moment, this blog is more for myself than for anyone else. Hopefully I will soon have a few gems to share that might make this little web page worthwhile for you, too. I hope you will stick around and find out.

P.S. A little tidbit from my weekend: a smokey shot from girls’ night with my loves at Rock Lobster in Broad Ripple.